Lack of attitude
What if your employee “makes the numbers” but doesn’t show the right attitude and/or doesn’t demonstrate the company values.

Although it seems hard to decide: Fire that employee. Not firing, will result in ‘copy behavior’ of other employees, with chaos or possible mutiny as a result.

Not delivering the numbers
What about the reversed situation, when someone is showing the right attitude and company values, but doesn’t (yet) deliver the promised numbers?

Give him or her a second or third chance.

Next time you reward someone, take into account his or her attitude.

• You apply for a ‘manager job’, but are turned down because you don’t have any ‘manager experience’ However, you can not seem to gain manager experience without first being a manager.
• You’ve got your drivers license, but your father or partner doesn’t allow you to drive his car. He’s afraid you might damage it. You can only proof you will not damage the car by driving it.

These situations are examples of what is called the

Permission Paradox

The permission paradox with regard to career management is described and promoted by Spencer Stuart on bases of the book ‘The 5 Patterns of Extraordinary Careers‘.

It’s one of the great Catch-22s in business.

In general it’s simply stated: “You can’t get the permission (job) without the experience and you can’t get the experience without the permission (job).”

In practice you can overcome the paradox. Let’s mention a few methods for gaining permission.

• If you want something, just ask
• Demonstrate competence or required behavior in areas that form the building blocks for new future roles
• To gain associative or expert permission, get the relevant credentials
• Ensure that both parties get something from the relationship

Of course there are more, (discussable) strategies to avoid the permission paradox.

But anyway, unlock your potential, be aware of the paradox and don’t accept a ‘no’ for an answer: do something!

Take a look at the next picture.

What can we conclude? Can you deduct any principals from this picture?

Before discussing some principles it’s interesting to study and to be aware of the mathematical equation and the corresponding ‘relational equivalents’ that are behind balanced seesaws.
A seesaw with one person (L) on the left several persons on the right is in balance when:

with
M_P = the weight of person P
D_P = the distance of person P to the center of the seesaw

For non-mathematicians, this formula simply states that in order to ‘play’ and keep balance, the sum of the “weights” times the “distances”(to the center) of the people on the right of the seesaw, have to equal the same sum of people on the left (in this case only one).

Some simple conclusions from this formula are:

• To keep balance on your own (no persons on the right of the seesaw), you’ll have to sit in the center of the seesaw (D_L=0)
• Two persons, L and M, of equally weight must take place at the same distance from the center (D_L=D_M)
• In order to balance more persons of equally weight on the right, the person on left has to take place at a larger distance from the center

Now let’s relate this formula to relationships in real life.

• Balance
  Read the word “Balance” as being “balanced in life”. Things in life run smooth, are stable and can be influenced and managed
• Distance
  Translate the physical entity “distance” to real life as either “physical, emotional distance”, or the “amount of connection” between people

With this knowledge, please study the picture again.

Although the number of possible associations is enormous, some interesting examples can be given in the next three :

Seesaw Principles

1. Solo
   When you’re on your own, it’s hard to keep balance in life
   • If you move, there’s no one to keep you in balance
   • You depend solely on your own view and interpretation of things
   • You’ve got no one to discuss things with
   • You’re fully focused on keeping balance and making no mistakes
   • You are not able to watch, enjoy, relax or remark things around you
2. Partnership
   Partnership gives stability in life.
   • To maintain balance you’ll have to keep the right distance between two partners. “Right” means often not exactly identical but weighted with each other’s competencies, positive and negative characteristics, preferences and wishes.
   • Even if your partner differs from you, you can still bring the seesaw back into balance by letting him give in or pulling him closer to you (bringing him closer to the middle of the seesaw).It’s obvious: Don’t give in yourself, things will get more worse. Of course you may also increase your own distance to get into a balanced position. After balancing, this could invite the other (he or she feels more save) to come closer after all, in which case you can also come closer to establish a new balance.
   • Even if you live or work with a partner that’s totally different, you’ll be able to find the right balance, by increasing the distance (meet less often, use telephone or write letters instead of physical meeting(s), move away, take a holiday or break, etc).
   • By applying seesaw principles it’s possible to create a sort of lever with which you can increase your force.
3. Management
   Managers have to keep distance.
   • Although you are perhaps a real ‘people manager’ or a ‘family organizer’, if you work with larger groups (more than two people on the right side of the seesaw), always increase and manage your distance in such way that mutual respect can be maintained.
   • If the situation urges you to work more closely together, create sub groups or plan individual one-to-one meetings.

Next time you’re having difficulty in keeping your balance, remember the Seesaw Principles.

When your challenges and skills are in balance things run smooth in life. This is called Flow

Managing and controlling your personal ´flow chart´, is done by consecutively increasing challenges and skills step by step.
To achieve higher goals we cannot simply set higher challenges. In case of too much challenge, the healthy amount of challenge (arousel) emerges to to stress and finally to anxiety. We often blame the world, but in fact we’ve to blame ourselves. Bring down the stress, relax or take time to improve your skills (school, training, or reprogramming at an older age in life) until you feel that challenge and skills are rebalanced again.

This principle of balance between challenge and sills is described in Mr. Mihaly Csiksczentmihalyi’s book ‘Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience“.

A summary of Csiksczentmihalyi’s teachings is given by the next interesting paradoxes and insights:

• Happiness
  We cannot reach happiness by consciously searching for it. Don’t aim at success – the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot by pursued; it must ensure….as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a course greater than oneself.” (p. 2)
• The Paradox of Control
  What people enjoy is not the sense of being in control, but the sense of exercising control in difficult situations. It is not possible to experience a feeling of control unless one is willing to give up the safety of protective routines.” (p. 61)
  Achieve control over one’s consciousness, overcoming the common perception that our lives are shaped by forces beyond our control. Everyone has experienced times when, instead of being buffeted by anonymous forces, we do feel in control of our actions, masters of our own fate. On the rare occasions that it happens, we feel a sense of exhilaration, a deep sense of enjoyment that is long cherished and that becomes a landmark in memory for what life should be like. This is what we mean by optimal experience (or flow)
• Best moment paradox
  Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments of our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times… The best moments occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile…in the long run optimal experiences add up to a sense of mastery – or perhaps better, a sense of participation in determining the content of life – that comes as close to what is usually meant by happiness as anything else we can conceivably imagine.” (pp. 2-3)
• The Purpose of Consciousness
  The Purpose of Consciousness is to represent information about what is happening outside and inside the organism in such a way that it can be evaluated and acted upon by the body (p. 24).However, it is noted that consciousness also shapes and filters what enters our consciousness, thus determining what we experience as our life.
• Optimal Experiences
  Examples of ‘optimal experiences’ are activities such as making music, rock climbing, dancing, sailing, chess, and so forth. What makes these activities conducive to flow is that they were designed to make optimal experience easier to achieve. They have rules that require the learning of skills, they set goals, they provide feedback, they make control possible. They facilitate concentration and involvement by making the activity as distinct as possible from the so-called “paramount reality” of everyday existence.” (p. 72)
• The Transformation of Time
  One of the most common descriptions of ‘optimal experience’ is that time no longer seems to pass the way it ordinarily does…
• The Paradox of Work
  In our studies we have often encountered a strange inner conflict in the way people relate to the way they make their living. On the one hand, our subjects usually report that they have had some of their most positive experiences while on the job. From this response it would follow that they would wish to be working, that their motivation on the job would be high. Instead, even when they feel good, people generally say that they would prefer not to be working, that their motivation on the job is low. The converse is also true: when supposedly enjoying their hard-earned leisure, people generally report surprisingly low moods; yet they keep on wishing for more leisure.” (p. 158)
• The quality of life
  The quality of life depends on two factors: how we experience work, and our relations with other people

Fly catching methods
Flies have a very highly-evolved evasion reaction which helps to ensure their survival. On the internet you may find several methods for catching such a persistent fly. Of course you can use a fly swatter.
But flies don’t usually appear when you’re swatter is around. So you try with your both hands. Hoping you don’t succeed. And in the end if you do – by accident – succeed, you’ll have to get up anyway to wash your hands.

New fly catching method
Just by accident I found out a new way to catch a fly with a newspaper or (one) hand.
I noticed that if the fly was on the table and I blew softly (starting very soft, followed by increased blowing), it would not fly away. In fact the fly would secure his position by sticking his feet to the table. As “sticking his feet to the table” and ‘flying away’ are two opposite – not combinable – actions, you’ve got enough time to swat the fly with your hand or newspaper.

Background
This new technic of swatting flies finds his background in one of the many principles of the famous book The Art of War‘, written by the legendary Chinese general, military theorist and philosopher Sun Tze.

However keep in mind that Sun Tzu believed that the best strategy is to “win without fighting“.
So fly, be a spider, make your web and find that new way in life….

What to do in case your mother suddenly dies, you get fired unexpected, your best friend suddenly gives up on you or your surgeon tells you you’re seriously ill?

Lesson one : in these cases, stay cool and try to relax.

Lesson two : Think yourself in the upper corner of the room, outside yourself, and watch yourself. Be your own spectator.

From this position steer yourself and try to see yourself from different angles in a different perspective.
This simple method will help you to overcome crisis situations and creates a situation where you are able to manage yourself from a distance.

In these situations it becomes clear that you are the boss of your physical body as well as your mind. So it’s not your body or mind that’s in the corner , it’s the real you! Enjoy that you are your own ‘puppet on a string’.

In case of more complicated or ambitious goals, it’s not that simple.

Take the example of climbing one of the highest mountains in the world, e.g. the Himalaya.

To achieve an ambitious goal like that, it takes different instruments and help, depending on the phase you’re in:

• Going to Tibet, your feet won’t help you, you’ll need an airplane
• Climbing to the sub top, the airplane isn’t of any use, you’ll need the help of sherpa’s
• Climbing the last 100 meters to the top, you don’t need sherpa’s, you’ll need oxygen masks

Beside this, it’s clear that in these cases you’ll need to develop a plan and divide the preparation tasks between the team members.

As you notice, just like climbing the K2, every new phase (in time or life) on the way to your (whatever) personal defined goal, urges a different kind of help.

Although this Himalaya example looks very simple, we often don’t act up on this insight.

Some simple examples:

• We think the luxury car we bought will also help us in case we have to transport grass-patches.
• We try to break down the wall with the help of a nail hammer instead of buying a brick hammer.
• When filling in a vacancy, we keep searching for a candidate that is a ‘sheep with five legs’.
• After happy holidays with a new person we met, we automatically assume that this person shall become your best friend
• You think that because your wife is a good mother, she will also have the skills to be your best business partner.
• You think that because your husband is good at fixing a bicycle, he will also fix your TV set
• We assume (implicit) that a successful manager in ‘Greenfield operations’, will also be successful in case of a grown business.

Possible reasons for this blind sight are:

• We like to stick to our positive experiences and translate or extrapolate the current developments linear to the future
• We like to be ‘penny wise’, but are (in fact) ‘pound foolish’
• We don’t want to disappoint our friends or family or we have unrealistic expectations about them

So don’t get stuck in the old axiom that”

if the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to approach every problem in life as if it were a nail

Looking from another perspective. If circumstances, times or goals change and you no longer fit in an organizations’ or a relationships’ mission or goal, quitting, divorcing or getting fired is sometimes the best solution. These situations have in general nothing to do with worries like ‘I wasn’t good enough’ or ‘People don’t appreciate me’. Pick up your hat and create new steps in life.

So stay awake to reach the top and dare to change people, instruments, your vision or yourself, if your goal urges you.

Don’t mix them up or you’ll get into trouble.

Team targets
When you set the right targets (Purposes) in life, it will inspire and encourage people in helping (you) to achieve them.

However, don’t expect that everyone is behind that target for the same reason. People get inspired in many different ways. Don’t disturb personal dreams of team members. Dreams give that essential ‘meaning to life’. Create awareness within a team that it’s inspiring and useful that individual members give meaning in different ways. This recognition will stabilize the team process and increase the team output.

Personal targets
When setting personal targets in life, ask yourself what this target means (reasons why you get enthusiastic) to you in life.
If you can’t sum up easy several different sorts of meanings (motivators), it will be risky to go after the target. If, for example, you’ve got only one motivator, only a slight disturbance in your meaning (new insights) will result in doubt about wetter you are on the right track and behind the right target.

Some practical examples…

Play chess
Target : Checkmate other king
Meaning examples : Fun to play check, to be a winner, to learn to think strategically, etc.

Develop technological society
Target : Set First man on the moon
Meanings examples : Realize almost impossible things, integrate different sciences, fun, explore the universe, develop new materials, etc.

The difference between purpose and meaning is well illustrated in this parable by Massimo Pigliucci:

So to understand your friends better in life, listen well to them when they talk about their purpose in life and never forget to ask what that purpose means to them. Never mix up purpose and meaning again.

The next short story illustrates this just fine:

So remember this sales manager next time before you turn down any opportunity.

Normally you take decisions based upon the interaction between your brain ( = the computer?), your actual senses (Sensors = eyes, ears, etc) and the conscious experiences, facts and believes, so called data (CD = Conscious Data) that are memorized (stored) in your head.

By deduction and induction your brain finally leads you to the best possible decision through interaction with these senses and data.

But there are other forms of decision making, based upon instinct or intuition.

Instinctive decisions

Our DNA has been build up and modified over a number of generations. When you where born this anchored DNA information emerges from every cell in your body and leads you on exactly the right moment to the right response. It’s generated from your subconscious, present in every cell of your body and occurs without any specific interference of your brain.
Some simple examples of human instinctive response for newborns are:

• Breathing
• Naturally swim when placed in water
• Naturally turn to suckle

Intuitive decisions

Intuitive decisions are decisions you finally take upon your ‘gut feeling’.

There are 3 types of intuitive decisions, based upon the time you have to take a decision:

1. Decision time limited to split second
   In these cases (attack, fire) you take the decision on basis of your instinct (reflex), without interference of your brain.
   Remember these instinct decisions are not always right. For example, if your car starts to skid or swerve, although your instinct is telling you, never slam on the breaks!.

2. Decision time in minutes
   Now you take the decision upon a combination of your instinct, your senses and the nearby experiences filed in your head. Your brain combines this information and you try to take a ‘sensible’ decision.
   However, recent research has shown that in case of a combination of instinct and short brain interaction participants performed better when given almost no time to think.
3. Decision time in days
   Just like when you have to decide in minutes, you are now even more able to think about your final decision. In this case you can take along the advices of other people (friends, professional help, foes, etc) and do some desk research to take into account some new facts.
   This process of deciding leads to the “I’ve done everything I could” decision type and may include all kind of aspects such as fairness, believes and clairvoyance.
   However, also in this situation decisions can turn out wrong. First of all you cannot take all the varying circumstances into account. Secondly, the logic of your Brain isn’t always right and often tightly connected to what your intuition or sum up of experiences is telling you.

Counter intuitive decisions
A good example of misleading your brain and intuition at the same time is the so called Monty Hall problem, sometimes also called ‘three door problem’.

The answer to this problem is simple but counterintuitive:
Switching gives you a 2/3 change of winning. Staying with your original choice a 1/3 change.

If you doubt this:

• Try it yourself by means of simulation
• Imagine there are a hundred doors, you picked one and Monty opens the 98 other doors with a goat and keeps one door closed. Would you switch now?

The shown examples make clear that intuition and logical thought are often different modes of the functioning of the brain as a whole.
Let’s conclude that it’s best to use your intuition in ‘split seconds decisions’ and in cases where your reasoning, research and conversations do not lead to a convincing logical final decision.
However stay alert on the fact that even when your mind and intuition agree on a decision, the outcome can be wrong.
So, if possible, let your brain decide when to use your intuition.